Who I am
I am a wife, mother, writer, and graphic designer. But do those things really define who I am? Lately I’ve been having an identity crisis. I can’t figure out just who I’m supposed to be. In high school I decided that I wanted to be a writer. In college I thought I should pursue a career in graphic design. Then God showed me a wonderful man to whom I would become a wife. Soon after that, I discovered that I would be a mother as well.
But somehow I didn’t feel like I fit into any of these roles. Yes, I can be all of these things, but I don’t think they really define who I am.
I often catch myself thinking, “If I can only find a job where I can really use my talents and feel useful, then I’ll be who I want to be.” Yet deep down I know that this won’t really fix my problem. I’ll still feel that I’m not quite who I’m supposed to be.
Then in Bible study last week a friend of mine confessed, “I keep doing things that I know I shouldn’t be doing, but it’s so easy to think ‘I can’t help it. That’s just how I am.’ It’s so easy to make excuses for my pet sins.” We all agreed—this was a problem that we all had. It’s so difficult to be the saints that God called us to be while still living in our sinful flesh.
Suddenly everything clicked. The reason I don’t feel like I am who I want to be is that I never can, in this life, become who I’m truly meant to be. The saint that I’m supposed to be won’t be fully realized until I’m in heaven.
It felt as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I finally knew who I was meant to be, the realization of all of the potential God had created in me. It doesn’t matter if I never write a bestseller or land my dream job—what matters is how close I can come in life to the person I will be in heaven, a person with perfect, joyful obedience to all that God asks of me and perfect love for those around me.
So now I have a goal, a definite purpose in life and a reason for everything I do. Jesus, the only true earthly saint, gave his life for me so that I could understand who I really am—a beloved child drawn out of sin’s bondage so that I can live and love my Savior.
My challenge, then, is to strive to become more like myself as God made me to be—to love my husband, children, friends, neighbors, and yes, even enemies, as God asks me to do. That’s quite a challenge, but I have God’s own assurance that with his help I can overcome “that’s just how I am” in my sinful flesh and be more like the saint he redeemed me to be.
Hymn: Jesus Refuge of the Weary
Jesus, refuge of the weary, object of the spirit’s love,
Fountain in life’s desert dreary, Savior from the world above.
O how oft Your eyes, offended, gaze upon the sinner’s fall;
Yet upon the cross extended, You did bear the pain of all.
Do we pass that cross unheeding, breathing no repentant vow,
Though we see You wounded, bleeding, see Your thorn encircled brow?
Yet Your sinless death has brought us life eternal, peace, and rest;
Only what Your grace has taught us calms the sinner’s stormy breast.
Jesus, may our hearts be burning with more fervent love for Thee;
May our eyes be ever turning to Your cross of agony;
Till in glory, parted never from the blessed Savior’s side,
Graven in our hearts forever, dwell the cross, the Crucified.
Girolamo Savonarola (1452-1498)
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Jesus Calls Us Over the Tumult
Jesus calls us o’er the tumult of our life’s wild, restless sea,
Day by day His sweet voice soundeth, saying, “Christian, follow Me.”
Jesus calls us from the worship of the vain world’s golden store.
From each idol that would keep us, saying, “Christian, love Me more.”
In our joys and in our sorrows, days of toll and hours of ease,
Still He calls, in cares and pleasures, “Christian, love Me more than these.”
Jesus calls us; by Thy mercies, Savior, make us hear Thy call,
Give our hearts to Thine obedience, serve and love Thee best of all.
~ Cecil F. Alexander, 1823-1895
